What a fucking waste of an outfit
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
