hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
