I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
