Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
