Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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