I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
