i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
