I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
