Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
