Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize