I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
