I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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