Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
