I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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