sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
