Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
