i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
