i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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