She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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