She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
