Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
