I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
