: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
