So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
