Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
