Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
