Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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