we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
