You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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