Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
