what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
