you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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