she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
