there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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