i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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