Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
