12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
my poor anus
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
