Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
