....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
