a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize