I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We need to get me chipped asap
Drunk is a universal language darling
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