A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
