so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
