So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
