I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
