McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
