I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
