My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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