bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i will never coherently bang her
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
