What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
