Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize