somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Randomize
