Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
