im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
