did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
