Plan B is the new Plan A
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I FOUND THE LEGS
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
