i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize