I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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