I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
