i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
