My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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