so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
