I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
