i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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