he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
