I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
