I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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