I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize