So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
