If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
