insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
