You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
