Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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