I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
