I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
