yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
