Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
