My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
