When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
