I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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