so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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