The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize