you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
