Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
