she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
whose parrot is this?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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