dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
