whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
