the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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