my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
