3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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