oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
