You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
